Catching up

Last Saturday, 6:30 AM: Our Twelve Days version, 34:29. I’m one of the slower people among the ones who don’t really use modifications. I love watching everybody else and just grinding through it and I don’t see any reason to push for speed — despite the fact that that’s what CrossFit is all about!

I got really stressed out with party and holiday prep and pretty much blew my stack for the second time this season. The next days after a big stress-out I feel like I have a hangover from some sort of poison, which I guess is true, in the form of too much stress hormone for too long a time. My behavior since then has reminded me of late grade school, like 6th, 7th, 8th grade, when I never did a single thing that wasn’t required. I was so protective and withdrawn that I wouldn’t do anything extracurricular or take honors classes; all I did was sit at home and read or draw or listen to records. It was because of stress and anxiety that I now understand. At the time all I knew was that being at home was safe and comfortable.

This week, with the stress and anxiety, I didn’t work out until today or even do any light barbell practice, let alone anything heavy or intense. I did go to karate but I had to make myself because I didn’t want to. When I have a lot of anxiety all I want to do is sit and read, maybe take a short nap, or if appropriate, go to sleep and sleep in. It feels very withdrawn, though I suppose those are healthy ways to relax. I unfortunately also eat to relax sometimes. I don’t eat bad-for-me stuff, but at those times I eat too much of things I should only have a little of. I have to remind myself that my diet, sleep, and health are excellent over all and that there is no such thing as perfect. I’m not about to slide back into the thoughtless eating of many years ago. Still I wish I could gain some sort of perspective into my true needs at the time, so that I would not stuff my face!

Today, inertia made me not want to work out, but it was high time, so I did “Fran” and had a decent time of 5:34. Then I did a few sets of back squats up to only 145 and was out of time before class.

Update: I did “Fran” again that evening with a class. I used the 45 lb bar and finished in 4:23.